wat happened??

I used to have a close female friend since my last year holidays. It was a platonic friendship because she is 2 years older than me and she had a steady boyfriend of 5 years. We actually spent a lot of time together through daily work, activities and trip, and we had fun together. We used to be chatting all night during the holidays and I would usually share my problems with her because she was so caring as a friend, good listener and she made me felt comfortable.

But, after the new year started, we continued on our different paths of uni life, and we were very less in touch. Up to a point, she started to treat me coldly- giving one-liners in msn conversations, didn't reply my sms, rejecting our yum cha sessions and finally locking up her blog to personal blogger friends only. All these cues are very subtle and it could be just me being over-suspicious, but there is certainly a big difference between last time and now. I can't help to think that it was me that caused it.

Maybe, it is because of my tendency to take advantage of her care by talking about my problems all the time and neglecting her feelings and problems totally. I may have gone overboard with her, treating her like a listener, turning to her only when I have problems and then ignorant of her own problems.

Or perhaps I was kinda two-faced. I know, many people think of me as an innocent guy and she likes the innocence of me. But, I am not completely innocent inside. Sometimes, I can be mean and cruel. The different faces that show through time maybe made her realize she was wrong and she started to lose the interest in the friendship.

It could be my selfish nature of not making the effort to keep in touch with her after new year. She was actually the one taking the initiative to make plans to meet up while I just waited to be invited. When she doesn't do it, me either didn't make much effort to catch up with her news through sms or set up a reunion. I don't have the habit of planning things. When only one party is doing much of the work to keep the friendship going strong, she gets frustrated. I know, I suck. I really hate myself for not appreciating such a good friend.

When I think about all these possible causes, it drives me crazy- the wondering and guessing game is torturous. Whether or not the reasons above are the real causes, I admit that sometimes I was aware I was doing it, but still I never change the bad habits. I feel really bad for what I have done. I am really sorry. I know it is now on me to make things better, but sorry seems to be the hardest word. I don't know what to do.