quite introverted?

Human relationships are very complicated, not to mention love yet. Relationships between friends alone can be enough headaches.

Generally, I’m quite an unfriendly and quiet person in the outside world. I am afraid to make more new friends because I’m scared of attachments and responsibilities.

During conversations with new friends, we don’t know how much we have in common and we have to find out. We have to think of conversation topics to keep the conversation flowing. And basically, I don’t really enjoy the process of thinking of conversation topics and exchanging information about ourselves because I know I can’t remember much things about new friends(even names), and therefore, I will become very reluctant and I will look unnatural in conversing.

And talking about attachments, when we have many friends, there’s bound to be situations when we have to socialize or help the other parties. These are responsibilities that sometimes I am lazy to shoulder. I understand very well that there has to be giving and receiving in friendships, but when there’s so many parties involved, I find it hard to commit. Maybe that’s part of growing up and I know we need all these attachments because they may be of help to us in the future, and always sticking to my current circle of friends is hard for me to survive in the outside world.

Well, I guess I’m not good in public relations. That’s why every time I am in need and I turn to friends(not close friends) for help, I become very easily guilty because I never give much. I don’t get absorbed in conversations with my normal friends (unless the topic is football) so that’s why I never get emotionally connected with them. The emotional distance between me n them makes it difficult for me to seek help from them. Therefore, most of the time, if I am able, I try to be independent. For example, I have a friend who stays near my rented house and drives to class. I can follow him everyday and easily save RM7 of bus fares per week but I refuse as I don’t like the feeling when asking for a favor regularly, knowing that I will still never be close friends with him. Of course, when at home, I never hesitate to ask favors from my parents lah.

I think for me, time matters la. For example, when I mix with one everyday for some time already and know him/her quite well through time, it all becomes too natural and I express myself better. The problems above don’t occur to me. What I say to them comes naturally and I don’t try to think of something to talk about for the sake of the conversation. I am more willing to socialize with them. I give and receive more easily. I like the natural flow.

And the same goes for courtship in love. In love, the guy tries to impress the girl for her attention. I don’t like going through that process and I prefer that the feelings come naturally and only time will hitch us up. I don’t like to be thinking of things to say to a girl so that she'll be impressed, especially when sms-ing which can be a grueling process for me. The ideal thing is me n her can talk casually, completely being ourselves, not trying to hide our imperfections out of fear of spoiling our own images. But, being quiet is not doing any good for me to know more girls..!

At the end of the day, I find myself asking this question: Is this introverted-ness just an attitude of mine or a problem that needs to be solved?