Paying the price

The last few days have been sickening for me. I had an in-class assignment on monday and a lab test on tuesday. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to study before going for both hurdles and I didn't even go to bed early. And the funny part is I'm gonna flunk both tests.

I am paying the price for my lackadaisical attitude during the past few weeks, not paying attention in lectures and not doing tutorials. I am so left out in every subject. I don't know why every semester has to be like that. Somewhere in the middle of the semester, I just have to lose the enthusiasm and the will to study. Last semester, I slacked right when I started the first week and managed to pick up towards the end of the semester. This semester I don't have the luxury of time anymore to catch up cos this time, I was hardworking for the first few weeks and slacked for every other week. It's week 12 and it's the climax of the semester, where assignments and exams come slapping your face all at one time. And I haven't been aware of what has been taught in lectures.

It's taking its toll on me. I couldn't sleep well and enough. And the ridiculous thing is I put myself through all these rigorous routines and I cannot do well in exams. It's becoming pointless. All the weeks of slacking have definitely left my brain rotten and rusty. I can sit at my table with my books for hours but I can tell you the hours spent have not been productive ones. I'm just sitting there for the sake of sitting there and comforting myself, the truth is I haven't putting in enough of effort and thinking on the subjects. I've been putting too much unnnecessary pressures on myself. I have people telling me that I'm now thinner than the already very thin me. And, I grow thinner for no reason cos I'm not doing any better in my exams! Fuck me!

My parents kept telling me to control that social bug in me, but really, I don't see myself as that sociable. Most of my time out with friends were occassional and fuck, normally the first thing I do after my classes end every day, I go back home. I have all the time in the world to study and yet I couldn't fare reasonably well. I must be really rotten.

I'm growing increasingly irritated with UTAR's schedule for actuarial science, which I think is killing me. There's so many subjects, so large syllabus, so many exams and so many assignments crammed into 14 weeks. I have lecturers who themselves are baffled that we even have exams and assignments in the last week of semester. We don't have time to really understand the subjects. The actuarial subjects are not like any other four-year course subjects. There's a reason for people to say actuarial science is tough. But it's being treated like any other course. That is why they have abnormal failure rate for some subjects. That failure rate coupled with the subject lecturer's own admission that the subject needs time shows that the time frame for this course is really unfair.

When the subject alone is already very tough, it's even worse when you let a stupid lecturer to teach it. The "Doctor" is freaking blur while teaching cos he comes to class unprepared, yet he has ridiculously high expectations of students, as if he's teaching a bunch of masters students. We are new to the subject but he expects us to know a lot of things and understand a lot of new things right away. His classes are really unproductive because little is learnt, defying the true purpose of a class, like in tutorials where only 3 or 4 out 20 questions are discussed.

But, in the end, I know I still have myself to blame.

Don't Cha (Leaf Version)

I know you like leaf
I know you do
That’s why we can be healthy if we eat more leaves,
I know you want leaf
She's easy to eat
And in the back of your mind I know you want to eat her.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like leaf
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was mad like leaf
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was round like leaf
Don’t you wish your girlfriend can eat like leaf
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

I know you like flavours,
I know you do
That’s why leaf got 4 different seasons for you,
Know you want green leaf
Yellow's not good
Sure no problem cos summer leaves are everywhere.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend can kill like leaf,
Don’t you ever dare make leaf angry,
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

Don’t you wish your girlfriend is green like leaf, like the Hulk,
Don’t you wish your girlfriend can sleep like leaf, like the pig
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

leaf: dun u wish yr girlfriend was hot like me..... doncha.. doncha

Muahahaha.......

Congestion

I think the increasing population of human is a big problem.

The number of students in my university alone is like wow. University bus to my area is crammed to every inch during peak hours; students flock to class like an army of ants, there’s just so many people. The way the number of human beings multiplies nowadays is crazy. Ask anyone around you, they’ll say they want at least 2 children. We’re gonna run out of space and air to breathe.

The problem with increasing population is standing out. Everyone wants to stand out and attract attention. Take a stone and throw it, you’ll hit a guy who has a super trendy punky hair. From observer’s point of view, I think it’s pathetic. People are desperate to impress each other by acting cool.

They cut that kind of hairstyle that obstructs the eyes’ view. Then, they keep adjusting their hair to the side. What’s the point of the whole hairstyle right? Or is it just intentional to act cool? They even have super cool rare English names. But, when they open their mouth, they struggle to come out with a decent English sentence. It’s funny.

The flurry of new singers, especially in the Chinese music industry, is another example of what I call desperate for attention. Many don’t have the talent, but they just want to be in the industry. And you see posters of them with all those cool poses around, I feel like throwing up. I remember in our very own local Superstar competition, the poses for their photoshoots are so geli. I don't even wanna start describing it.

Oh, am I running out of topic?

MIND-BLOWING

The Dark Knight blew me away.


The movie was overwhelmingly breath-taking that it wasn’t overshadowed by Heath Ledger's amazing performance as the Joker. Batman the reluctant hero, Harvey Dent the face of hope in Gotham, Rachel the reason of tangle for normal life, the message of the movie, the conflicts, the kick-ass action, the effects, the realism and everything else. Christopher Nolan made a masterpiece.

The bank robbery in the very beginning was damn exciting, giving the movie the perfect introduction for me. Adrenaline right from the start.

Grumpy: I'm betting The Joker told you to kill me as soon as we loaded the cash.
The Joker in mask: No, no. I kill the bus driver.
Grumpy: Bus driver? What bus driver?
[a school bus drives through the wall and kills Grumpy]

It was really sly of Joker to instruct each accomplice to kill his partner to raise own’s stakes of the loots. In the end, Joker was left with only one easy prey to kill and the money is all his! After all the meticulous efforts of teamwork, only one got the prize. That’s a really cunning, cruel plan.

I loved how he, as a complete stranger, can just crash into a mob bosses’ meeting, laughing and asking if their balls fell off, demanding for half of their loots, and none of the intimidating brawns and numbers could do anything to this one person.

"You think you can just come in and steal all our money and get away with it?”
Joker: Yes.

The crazy “pencil trick” that he gleefully performed, was enough of a reason for the mobs to give in to Joker’s demands. And it was a prelude to the audience of who this Joker guy really is.

The Joker: This town deserves a better class of criminal... and I'm gonna give it to them. Tell your men they work for me now. This is *my* city.
The Chechen: They won't work for a freak...
The Joker: [mocking his accent] A freak...
[pulls out his switchblade and tosses it to some goons who grab the Chechen]
The Joker: Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is. It's not about money. It's about sending a message.

He’s a really frightening, sadistic psychopath with no direction in life, an anarchist dedicated to chaos and mass killing. To him, it’s a pleasure, a sense of achievement and fulfillment in life.

Putting terror into people is a routine like the tormenting of the fake Batman on air and the variety of horrible scar stories. They’re all freaking freaky.

Joker: You know why I use a knife? Because I get to be up close to savor all of the... emotion. You see who people really are as they die. So, in a way, I know your friends better than you. Would you like to know which of your friends were cowards?

He doesn’t kill with a logical purpose. He kills just to see what people like Batman and Harvey Dent can do about it. And the more Batman thwarts his efforts, the more sense of challenge he feels and he gets more addicted to slaughter (Yeah, slaughter is the best medicine). It becomes an obsession.

"You wanna know how I got these scars??"

"Do I really look like a man with a plan, Harvey? I don't have a plan. The mob has plans, the cops have plans. You know what I am, Harvey? I'm like a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it. I just DO things.”

And the way he does crimes, he involves everyone! He believes everyone is bad deep down by nature (which is partially true) and he tries to force the dark side in everyone out with all his smart tactics.

"I'm looking to add to my ranks, but I've only got one spot left, so we're going to have try outs." (breaks a stick to two and throws to the group of people)

He wants people to eat each other. He doesn’t have to do the killing part, the good people of Gotham do it! The threats to blow up the hospitals and ships are the perfect examples of his craftiness. The cop worried for his wife in hospital tried to take Reese out for good. The passengers in both ships were impatient of blowing each others’ ship. It’s really true that in desperate times, people’s evil sides surface.



Look at what Joker turned Harvey Dent into – a monster like himself. He was the white knight of Gotham, the face of optimism in the pessimistic city of Gotham. He’s the proof that there’s still hope of humanity in the city, trying to bring peace and protect the people. But, after just one very bad, terrible day, he becomes the complete opposite. It was a big transformation in short time.


That was what Joker constantly tries to do against Batman, forcing him to break his one rule of mercy, to finally cross the fine line between hero and vigilante by taking out a life. But the strong stand of Batman only makes Joker loves him more. He takes advantage of it. That’s why Joker does not worry about his physical vulnerability when against Batman, he dares to not defend himself. Imagine how big of a contribution it would have been if Batman would just knock him down with his lightning fast Batpod.


The physical beating, in fact, he loves it. Look at how wildly he laughed when he was tossed and turned by Batman in the interrogation room. It was like orgasm to him. And when Batman threw him down the building, he was laughing all the way down. What was he thinking??! He’s really insane. He’s fearless. I read that in the comics, Scarecrow once used the fear gas on Joker, and it didn’t fucking work!


"You seen Harvey Dent? You know where Harvey Dent is? You know where Harvey Dent is? I need to talk to Harvey Dent."

"dent, dent, dent, Harvey dent, oh! excuse me, i wanna drive"

"Oooo you wanna play come on....... come on"

I remember studying a short story in secondary school’s literature about a scientist inventing a sound machine. They called him mad because he was meticulous with every detail of his daily life, his process of inventing especially. Now what do you call Joker? That’s pure madness to the extent that he’s not mad! There are chilling theories that he’s actually not crazy, in fact he’s so sane that he sees more clearly than anyone else.

breathing the refreshing air of chaos

“No… I’m not crazy.”

"see I’m not a monster.... i’m just ahead of the curve"

No, I’m not done with his madness. Remember how he burnt the mountain of money? It’s a jaw-dropping moment especially that it was a crazy amount of money to have and he was sliding down the money mountain just moments before. And he burnt it? He’s fucking awesome. Yeah, money is not everything huh? HAHA.

And the scene in the hospital when Joker asked Harvey to shoot him with the gun pointing point-blank at his head? The whole conversation was bloody intense! It’s freaking mad of him that he doesn’t care Harvey was gonna pull the trigger any second. He just doesn’t care!

With Joker ever eager to test out Batman’s stance and Batman’s continual refusal to kill him, it was always going to be an everlasting rivalry. It’s what makes the relationship between Batman and Joker special. In the comics, Joker is really immortal, making a comeback each time no matter how impossible it was to survive an ordeal. But unfortunately, we’re not gonna see it in the movies franchise.


Frankly, I feel a bit discouraged to watch the next Batman movie with Two-face as the villain. I don’t like his theory of fair chance by flipping the coin. But, the fact that it’ll still be a CHRISTOPHER NOLAN movie is already a big reason to catch it.

The Joker: "You just couldn't let me go, could you? I guess this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of righteousness . . . and I won't kill you because you're too damn fun. You complete me. We're going to do this forever."

This nutcase really had Batman stressed out and busier than ever. It’s just too hard for Bruce to cope with his every fatal move. The innocent citizens and people dear to him were put into danger because of his relationship with Joker. All the dilemmas he had – surrendering himself for good and thriving on the hope on Harvey, and thinking about finally wetting his hand with blood to solve the problem once and for all.


And when Rachel was blown up as he got tricked to save Harvey instead of Rachel, I thought it had to be the lowest moment of his life. Another loved one taken away from him after his parents. I really thought there was no reason left for him to carry on as the Batman. Saving the city – for what? He’s all alone now, without friends.


But he never gave up. Sacrificing himself to take the blame for Harvey’s killings says it all. For what happened to Rachel and for his identity, he was in position to be the scapegoat. And he was WILLING. He’s a really big character.

Son: Why is he running?
Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
Son: He didn’t do anything wrong.

And the accompanying ending music by Hans Zimmer was really fitting to wrap up the movie. I felt like crying, although I was a bit disappointed not to see Joker involved in the ending. But, I just have to mention, Hans Zimmer’s music throughout the movie was awesome.

A great piece of work The Dark Knight is.

Random

There are some things about certain type of girls that I dislike.

First of all, girls trying to teach guys how to treat girlfriends. In Friendster, many girls post bulletins with titles like the perfect boyfriend, how many guys are willing to do that today, why girls cry, about women, 50 ways how to treat girlfriends, bla bla bla. Secondly, girls saying things like oh, my boyfriend should be like this, like that, only guys with this kind of body figure or character can court me and the list goes on. I am actually annoyed by all these things.

I mean, I understand very well all these wants because they are unwritten rules. They are all very true and perfectly normal. I have nothing against people who think that way. But the thing is, when you publicly "announce" it, it gets on my nerves. It all sounds to me that girls are so majestic, so highly that guys have to impress them, give the world to them, take the moon down for them and whatever. But, when guys teach girls how to treat boyfriends, I support them. Fact is, whether guys or girls do that, it is still ANNOYING.

Who are you to demand such things? Are you the perfect person with good looks, hourglass body figure and with the kind of character every person dream of in their partner? If yes, then I have no qualms about you laying down the rules and requirements in your hunt for your Mr/Mrs Right. But, I'm not interested to know. It's pretty much the same theory with the "arrogance is confidence" thing. When you're good, you can be arrogant. When you're a good-looking, personally attractive person, you can demand.

It is this realistic.

why do we fall?

So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

It was that life-altering fall that started everything. The death of Bruce's parents, the revengeful anger that never fade but grows, the isolation, the fateful meeting with Ra's, the making of his combat skills, leading to the ultimate birth of Batman. All in all, he took 7 long years to pick himself up.

I fell today. I screwed up my stats test. It's not to say that I'll fail it, but considering everything prior to the exam, i'll consider it screwed up. I actually pontenged one whole day to prepare for the exam. I had all the time in the world to get ready for it. With that, I expected more out of this test.

After going through 2 hours of stocproc exam, all of a sudden, 1 hour for this seemed too fast. I took some sweet time on the first question, and when i finished it, it was about 20minutes to the end. Immediately, I went frantic, mind raced, and blackout. I didn't finish that second question, and to make me more depressed, I was actually looking at the similar question just before the exam. I should have known how to do. Haih

As much as I want to mourn, I don't have the luxury and time to get "carried away" with this disappointment. Another do-or-die exam coming up. I'm already up and walking, but not studying yet, cos I'm writing this. Heck.

Good things come in small packages?

I'm beginning to feel more comfortable with my height.

Among my good ol' Klang friends, i'm among the shortest, if not the shortest. Although I still have around 2 years or so to catch up, I don't think I'll ever shoot up since I don't play basketball.

Being short for a guy does damages to his self-esteem. I get teased about it occasinally cos sometimes I look like a small kid with my choice of clothes and clothes size. As a guy, of course you want to stand tall and look like a man. It's a big disadvantage in terms of attracting girls. Hehe.

But over the years, I've come to realise that it's pointless getting frustrated because I know my efforts normally are short-lived and I won't go to the extreme to grow taller. I accept my height. Afterall, in a way, being short is not entirely bad.

If you look at a group of tall people with an odd short one(outlier eh?), which particular person do you notice? Hehe. In a way, I "stand out". I remember in the Korean drama "Stairway to Heaven", the main actor, a director or whatever of the company is quite a short guy by their normal standard. And he walks around with a gang of taller, bigger-sized subordinates and bodyguards following from behind, all in tuxedos. How cool is that?

It's inspiring. Haha.