Random post again

Things have been going well for me of late as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. The feeling of having a clear sense of path or direction in life is great, in contrast with the painful wait for my degree result in october when I was full of question marks of what path of life my eventual result will take me.

I'm currently working as a part-time research assistant with my masters due to start in january and I will have sufficient time to study for my society exams as well since the classes are night sessions. It's like a new life and I'm kinda excited to kickoff the new year. Career, to a man, means everything to his pride. Ask yourself, what's your value?

On a side note, I've always have a dilemma in my approach to life. Which would you prefer, try your best and be positive in life, or try your best and be negative and expect the worse result?

My approach is the latter and from experience, it comes with nightmarish pressure and stress although the results are there sooner or later. During my previous preparations for my last degree finals and exam FM, for example, I got over-stressed to the extent that I fell sick on both occasions. The bright side of this approach is that I'm always critical of my own performance however sufficient it is and I was never satisfied with what I have done, which paves the way for improvement.

When you tried your best but expect the worse result, imagine the euphoria when the result turned out to be a good one. It's a joy. Haha

Have a nice day.

Hola!

My brain's thoughts have been messy for some time so i'll just use keywords to describe wats playing in my lost mind.

soft skills, japanese, french, fm-dec, c, mlc-next yr, girl, nov b'dayS, apply um-call them, applied stats, upm/ukm-bangi, serdang (far!), result- cgpa 3.0(PLEASE), work half a year(reluctantly) -prudential, AIA, ING, pj room(release?), i want a car, grow up, bored, read a book, man utd, pro evo soccer, leave those attention desperados alone-some busybody ppl will entertain them, wats yr value?, shut the fuck up if u contribute nothing to the society, getting along with difficult ppl, are parents' expectations justified or just too pushing?, getting ready for society, girls who think they are the world-pathetic.

Can someone organize my thoughts for me?

It has been some hectic weeks with exams and assignments, which will continue for the next 2 weeks. Its the typical business part of the semester, where we accumulate our coursework marks for the comfort going into the finals.

But this time it is not that typical anymore, given the fact that i'll be going through this process of coursework and finals for the final time in my degree. It's my last chance of salvaging my pride and future with a decent result to show. To make it even more dramatic, i'm in danger of being relegated to 2nd lower class with my cgpa(3.0) like an egg on a horn.

1st class: 3.5-4
2nd class upper: 3-3.499
2nd class lower: 2.2-2.999

If I ever dropped 0.1, i'll be no different from a cgpa 2.2 student. Wtf.

So i've been putting in some hardwork in there and i'm beginning to reap the rewards from the encouraging results. But of course there're lotsa things sacrificed like time with friends and my ENGLISH, which explains my absence from my blog.

And then there comes another brain-killer question of which path i'm gonna take after finishing my degree. At 20, i'm certainly not gonna venture into the working world, put myself into unnecessary pressure and rob me of my childhood adoslescence. I'm gonna make sure i'm mentally and substance-wise prepared before doing that.

I may end up studying masters in UM, singapore, utar or doing full-time studies for professional exams. And i tell u, the chances of me doing one of the options above is as good as any other, which goes to show my indecisiveness.

Mental breakdown: 4 more tests and 1 more assignment in 2 weeks time.

Ella Koon

Ella Koon(left) is hot! So is Megan Fox!

My controversial self

I develop a lot of negative first impression on people whom I'm not close with, or should i say pre-judgment/jump-to-conclusions/stereotype. Seriously. I tend to have this notion that this world has so many people vying for attention of everybody else and so they try desperately to stand out, which make them look like losers to me, when in fact they're obviously not. It's just a thought in the head and i never make these thoughts known or complain or whatsoever. It's just a thought until I really get to know the true story behind something.

For example, I have this disgust at people trying to blast people in their msn display msg, talking confidently about achieving some impossible targets when in fact they were once dropouts and have no achievements or whatsoever to boast of, writing love quotes about making sacrifices when people can only doubt whether u practice what u preach, scolding people constantly as if u're at the wrong end of things all the time, talking about having their patience tested as if they're someone who should not be messed with, etc. Such is my negativity of people. I just get this feeling that these people are just attention desperados who want to be thought of as having personality.

Sometimes when in a group of friends, someone tries to do lotsa "stunts"/actions/tantrums to cheer up the mood, I often take them as desperate attempts to impress the people around especially girls. Its quite distinguishable between genuine jokes and jokes intended to impress. While honest jokers get absorbed in the joke itself, attention desperados jokers usually cares too much about people's reaction to the joke that u can see from their eyes lingering around to look for response whether they are impressed or not. Sometimes when the joke is not funny at all and noone's laughing, it becomes lame, pathetic, and ironically funny bcos of the patheticness.

And I also have this terrible pre-judgment of people who describe themselves in friendster and blogger profiles. Those who talks highly of themselves sounds boastful to me. Some people go to the extent of stating their exact excellent result grades on the friendster profile. But then when people talk about them being just ordinary/simple/next-door/normal people, I also feel that they're seeking for attention rather than really being humble. What's wrong with me?! The problem to me here is too many people are saying that they are just ordinary people that it sounded to me they're trying to boast about being ordinary and at the same time different from others.

My point here is a lot of things can be done quietly with action, not talk. If u're aiming for something really ambitious, then do it first before u start boasting about it like how man utd players do. When u're not happy with someone, then try yr best to solve the problem rather than just banging people on msn display msg. When u have thoughts about your own relationship, then keep it personal and if u're a good partner then surely the resulting strong relationship will be there for all to see. You don't have to make it sound like the whole world revolves only around you. We can do it the kris allen way, quietly getting on with your job and ultimately gets the job done.

Then again, after all these crap, it's just necessary to mention that I'm not complaining cos they're just my negativity and opinions. I was talking about people's weaknesses above, and this negativity is my weakness.

The title of this post? The TITLE!

Yeah, man utd are champions again after today's result which means liverpool players can ask benitez to leave them out for west brom's game. And I'm here again to take a swipe at the man himself, Rafa Benitez.

After all that you bragged about, man utd is still the champion and Liverpoo(no L) is empty-handed. Ironies:

1. He wants to win the league with the likes of David Ngog, Dirk Kuyt, Albert Riera, Damien Plessis, Lucas, Nabeh El Zhar, Martin Skrtel, Emiliano Insua, Sami Hyypia, Andrea Dossena, Phillip Degen, Fabio Aurelio, Alvaro Arbeloa, all of whom are west brom-quality players. Such is Rafa's talent-scouting abilities and financial disadvantage is not a good excuse when you buy these kind of players.

2. If Liverpool didn't win the league bcos Torres and Gerard were injured for long periods, then surely Arsenal should be the champion.

3. Man Utd played an energy-sapping 66 games, 11 more than Liverpool. Utd went to the far far away land of Japan to play the World Club Cup competition, won the community shield, went all the way to win the carling cup, entered the FA cup semi final, and now into Champions League final. Liverpool players had so many beer breaks and Rafa had all the time in the world to come up with a masterplan, but still he couldn't outwit Sir Alex. That's why it's SIR Alex.

4. Rafa humiliates Liverpool and Gerard. Liverpool is the only team who lost only 2 games but didn't win the title while Gerard is a player of the year without a single premier league medal. Phillip Neville has 6, Alan Smith has 1, that shit Silvestre has a couple.

5. Liverpool drew with Stoke twice and lost to relegation-bound Middlesbrough.

6. Is Rafa the only one who goes against the theory "the table doesn't lie"? He said being first in the league only means more points and u're not necessarily the best. Instead, the best team is chosen according to the time of the season(consistency doesn't count?). I think he will agree that the first in the league is the best team in the country when he wins the league one day. This season, he didn't win. So this season the first is not the best. Hmmm....

What's yr take?

IDIOT

Tevez has a thorn/pain-in-the-ass/drogba in his family, creating all sorts of unnecessary problems that other non-extended families do not experience. It's robbing him of a happy family life:

1. Dad has an extra person(grown up) to feed
2. Mom don't get to control the astro remote after coming back tired from work
3. Dad has to deal with all kinds of non-existent, unnecessarily-created problems
   
4. the family have to see a self-claimed matured person swearing from time to time
5. Grandma has to hear her own son(not tevez's dad) cursing her to death every now n then
6. when they go out for holidays they get accused of not being caring to Grandma
7. when they speak loudly to hearing-aided Grandma they get accused of being rude to her
8. when they frown while helping Grandma they get accused of being insincere to her
9. when they need help to care for Grandma, the idiot would not help
10. tevez gets called from the backroom to the living room to switch on the tv switch for the idiot
    
11. when Dad put food on the table the idiot complains its too much tat they throw them away in the end
12. when Dad put less food on the table the idiot complains its too little
13. when Grandma says she doesn't want to watch the tv, the idiot switches on the tv for her and then tells her tat the tv is on for too long and it will spoil
14. when the idiot was doing the mopping, he complains he's doing all the hard job
15. when Dad takes over the mopping the idiot complains the floor is not clean enough
16. when they watch the tv for kinda long the idiot complains the tv is too hot for the whole day
17. when the idiot has a new show to catch he takes over yr slot and slaps u if u fight for the remote
18. when man utd beats arsenal 1-0, arsenal is good bcos they managed to keep the deficit by only one goal
19. when arsenal beat man utd, arsenal is good bcos they win
20. Dad the breadwinner cannot eat 2 rounds for dinner
    

He enjoys being ungrateful to people who are feeding and sheltering him. He enjoys ruining a family, like how Joker would.

Arsenal dreamed a dream.... the story never ends...

I think its better keeping quiet before a game, let yr performance do the talking and then only you can talk big, which is what I'm gonna do now! While most of Man Utd players were talking about expecting a tough game, fatigue's impact, disappointment in own performance and not scoring more, their approach to the game, importance of Rio, except for Ronaldo's sulking, these are what Arsenal players had to say during pre-match:

Fabregas: How much stronger are we at home? We showed that in the Premier League, by beating them and scoring two goals.
Me: You broke down after 11 minutes at home.

Toure: Almunia had a good game and kept us in the tie so next Tuesday you will see a better Arsenal.
Me: They were almost the same as the side at Old Trafford, that held a lot of possession but didnt create chances.

Almunia: Maybe Manchester United are physically stronger than us - but in terms of desire, nobody can beat us. The Champions League is now the only trophy left open to us this season and next Tuesday we will show we are good enough to win this competition. We may be a young team but we have plenty of European experience.
Me: Good enough to win champions league? Plenty of European experience? HAHA. And one game of brilliance but concedes 2 in 11 minutes the next doesn't say much about his England credentials.

Wenger: I am very confident the team will produce a MAGNIFICENT performance and that we will manage it. We play a home game where we have a strong record in the Champions League.
Me: Magnificent? I know Man Utd produced a magnificent performance. Well, at least he's a gracious loser at the end of the game.

Eboue: We will need the fans to be behind us for 90 minutes, even for 120 minutes!
Oshea: We didn’t hear our fans for the first five minutes because Arsenal’s supporters were really up for it.Even when they got a throw-in the noise was like they’d scored a goal.
Me: 120 minutes? They didn't even get through 8 minutes!

Wenger: I know and I can understand the criticism, but I watched carefully that game [against United] and Adebayor put a lot of effort in, more than people think.
Me: It's not that he didn't want to put in effort, he was just pretty much screened out and couldn't do anything-whether first or second leg.

The best quote has to be this:

Bendtner: I am 100 per cent sure that we will pass through to the final. Of course you never feel good after a defeat but we look positive at the return game. I am confident that we will play in the final. Can we manage to score three goals? Yes, we have those qualities.
Me: Talking about math, 100%? I don't think it was even 70-80% for 11 minutes. So are you gonna play in the final in rome? Did you score 3 goals? Well, maybe you did something cool, getting past a defender with a skillful trick(whoa!) only to side-net it, which is typical of you.

Sorry to disappoint you, bendtner!

Oh and I need to quote Evra:

"It was 11 men against 11 babies. We never doubted ourselves.

We have much more experience and that's what made the difference. We were always confident. It should have been that score in the first leg anyway. It is a great United team that won.

Football today is not only about playing well, it's about winning trophies. Everybody talks about the way Arsenal play but, at the end of the day, it's about winning silverware.

At United, we play well and we win. Tactically and technically we were superior. You look at our starting 11 and theirs and you see that we are well above.

Lots of people are disappointed because they thought they would beat us like they did in the league. But the Champions League is another level."

Me: He just explains it all about Arsenal. Now I hope he don't regret making that comment about winning silverware!

--------

Apparently Bendtner wasn't just disappointed, he was distraught to the extent that he wanted to strip naked! He was pictured leaving a London nightclub at 4am this morning with his belt undone and jeans pulled down before being helped into a waiting car.

EPL season finale fever

I'm now in the climax of my semester. Every paper from now on is a final. Obviously it's a tough period to come and get a result, but I know its in my hands. I've got 3 massive papers ahead and I want to do well in every one of them. Winning, no, scoring A is the name of the game, no, finals.

What I do now decides everything; if I do badly in one paper, it’s hard to recover. I’ll have to take my chances when they come and make sure I don’t do badly. I have to keep focus and concentration during my preparations and during the paper itself. Any mistake or lapse of concentration could dent my title hopes, i mean good grades hope.

It would be stupid to think this is going to be easy. Complacency does not come into it as far as I'm concerned. I cannot get carried away and let complacency or disappointment from individual result to get into my head. I move on. Nothing is guaranteed.

I've got to show character during each paper. Attack the paper. Attack is the best form of defence. I'll be going at it full throttle in order to get the result I want.

Creative street name

This is a heavenly place...

oink oink

This semester I have more Dr Oinks who are despicable in their own different ways. That semester was classical just because of him. This time I have four really loathsome lecturers if not hilarious, but somehow I got kinda immune already after the oinky experience.

There's one soft lecturer, also a Dr, who have once broken record with a 7-people die-hard audience( I take pride in not being one of them.. haha!). There's one snobby lecturer who self-indulges in her Australian tertiary education background, but has an inscrutable grammatical problem that she pierces our poor eardrums each time she speaking. (Oops, did i make a grammar mistake?) There's one tutor with a gay-ish voice, from whom you would not want to hear calling you "my dear" especially after you waited for him in the class for half an hour on a regular basis.

On the contrary, there's this widely despised lecturer whom I actually respect. Last semester, i hated him for always being late for class and doing nothing in lectures but this semester I think he's in his comfort zone in this subject as he's doing his job fine with his vast knowledge on the profession. After all, he's an associate professor with masters in actuarial science. That alone deserves some reognition. The problem with him is, he's always telling the truth.

Some of his lambasting moments:

What's the actuarial assumptions in product pricing? Think! why are you taking so long? This is very slow you know. It's an easy question what. You see, i'm helping you to improve by asking you to think. That's the way to improve your thinking skills.

Can you try answering my question? It doesn't matter if it's wrong. What? Underwriting? What has this question to do with underwriting? You don't understand my question..

Him : The guy at the back.. Ya, what are the safeguards to this mismatching of investment strategy?
Me: ......... (panicking) Higher transfer to statutory reserve?
Him: What you mean by the word transfer? You're not using the right jargon.. It shows that u're not reading.. I've given you all the relevant additional notes. What's the use of giving you all that if you don't read?

What's the meaning of explicit? hmm? What happened to your dictionaries? I just told y'all that you should bring dictionaries so that all these sentences will only make sense to you when you understand the meaning of these individual words. That's how you can improve. What's so difficult in bringing a dictionary? Just because its heavy you can't bring one?

(class attendance was exceptionally good because it was exam day) Why are there so many people whom I'm seeing for the first time? Those who comes regularly are really wrong for signing the attendance for the regular absentees. It's a whole mockery of the process, you know? You don't come to class, then you prepare for the consequence. Of course you pay for this course you bear the consequence.

Why you can't answer the test question on liabilities valuation? I've taught you all that. A lot of you failed the paper you know? If you continue to be like that you'll fail this paper.

That guy.. ya, i'm been observing you sleeping in my class for many times... You don't have to come to class if you're going to sleep.. That is tantamount to not learning anything.. Blah blah blah... Make this the last time...

it gets on people's nerves because he does the life-philosophies-lecturing thing as often as i shit.. Its almost like hating those spm top scorers on tv saying how they succeeded by studying 3 hours a day, paying attention in class, always asking questions, making own notes, and so on.. I used to get irritated by these interviews although all those things said were so true and basic that we could not even do...

That's the same case with this lecturer.. a lot of what he said is so true that I could not agree more with him. He's like Simon Cowell to me because many hates him for telling the truth, except that his remarks are a lot more basic than Simon's! We don't get comments like "you're utterly horrendous like a frog squeaking and creaking".. Comparing the circumstances, we're actually a shame if we hate the lecturer...

I really think he deserves a lot of respect. Its just his teaching methods that are disgusting.

...............

Can u recognize who the heck is this guy?

Ups and downs in life?

forced to do this.....

Rules:
It's harder than it looks!
Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
They have to be real. Nothing made up!
If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : ChonSern

2. A four Letter Word : Crap

3. A boy's Name : Conan

4. A girl's Name : christine

5. An occupation : Conman

6. A color : chocolate brown

7. Something you'll wear : cheongsam

9. A food : char kuey teow

10. Something found in the bathroom : cum

11. A place : cemetery

12. A reason for being late : choked on char kuey teow

13. Something you'd shout : ccb char kuey teow!

14. A movie title : Curious case of benjamin button

15. Something you drink : coffee

16. A musical group: Cincai la....

17. An animal : cow

18. A street name : Chow kit street

19. A type of car : camry

20. The title of a song : Can't fight the moonlight

The 20 people who I am going to tag are:

my readers, if there are 20....

inner war

I've been bothered by a lot of self-conflicts lately.

First and foremost, I am having an identity crisis. It's like, after going through all those secondary years, I still don't really know who i am. I know deep down inside me, I'm a funny guy who has a lot of things to say to what's happening. But when I'm out in the wild, I can't express myself. I don't know why. Is it because of the different circle of friends? Is it that I'm shy? Sometimes when I joke, people mistaken me for being serious because of the way I express the joke. Sometimes I'm very funny around my friends, sometimes I'm very serious and quiet. There's no consistency to what my character's supposed to be.

Plus, I've always been very judgamental. I have lotsa negative thoughts about someone who I've just seen or met, which makes it very difficult for me to communicate with people because I can be kinda cold to them. I lose respect for people at the very first sight. Yes, you read me right. I lose respect for people before I even get to know them, which is scandalous. I guess that explains why I'm so in my own world.

Also, I've not been good in relationships. I haven't done enough for friends. Friendships are made of continuous contact, concern and the things they do for each other. And I don't do enough for my friends even when they treat me so well. Whenever we are away from each other, its as if we don't know each other. No, its like, I don't even know them. I seldom take the initiative to care about friends in the other side of the world. What kind of friend am I?

I can't multitask. When there's too many things in my head, I start to ignore one by one, belittle their importance to my own comfort so that I won't have so much things to think about. I used to think that I'm a simple person who likes to keep everything simple which is so wrong. I'm just trying to avoid responsibilties. I wonder what kind of adult do I make. I cant handle things all at a time.

Besides, I can be very self-centred most of the time. I think people are self-centered when I myself am too. I care more for my own business than others. I seldom get involved in friends outings for any purpose when we're supposed to be together.

At the end of the day, I feel i'm so useless. Fuck me.

A friend that never was

A while ago in early 2006, a "distant" friend(although she's a nearby neighbour) sought my advice on my university details. It was a turning point as she was to end up being my uni-mate and close friend for a while.

For about 1 year plus of honest friendship, i was very kind to her-not to boast but i really was. During that period, I was like her elder bro although I don't look like one. As a senior, I helped her with preliminary registration, guided her in studies, lent her almost lots of my notes and test papers and advised her on many academic issues. As a friend, I helped her look for room, offered her weekly rides- to and fro, remembered her birthday and gave her gifts, and accompanied her walking to bus stops on numerous occasions.

For all that I've done for her, she was actually not responsive most of the time but still accepting. At first I really didn't mind doing it as a friend, more so when she grew thinner and prettier(blinded by looks?). But then as she got more and more attention for her looks, she became a very much changed, different person. She showed her tail and the picture become too obvious and stupid to be unaware of. She treated everyone around her as a tool from the start. And I was one of them all along. Everyone else around her is.

I started assessing our friendship more closely and I realized it has been nothing more than a parasitic relationship. Her definition of friends is their usefulness. My value to her is under the academic category, as I have always been her source of senior guidance, notes, test papers as her reference. Other than that, I am of no worth to her. Which means, when she comes to me-whether she's trying to start a casual conversation or straight to the point, she can only have one definite motive-getting something academic from me. Yes, she's sly. She only comes to me when she needs my help and she starts the task by having a casual dialogue and giving lotsa sweet talk and smiles. At the end of conversation, I always end up lending her something. That's the whole point of the dialogue. If there's nothing to borrow from me, then I'm invisible to her. I was never appreciated or treated like a friend. She treats her circle of friends pretty much the same way but i'm not gonna elaborate on her exploits.

I regretted for being a kind fool, for being a willing prey and I was utterly disappointed to have such a friend. Then i started ignoring her and tried to cut down my help supplies, and guess what it only helped to reveal more of her true colours. She must have become desperate as she got herself a genius boyfriend and poof, she doesn't need anyone anymore. She hit lotsa birds with one stone because this guy is her classmate, he's a 4-pointer and he has a car. She would never go out for dinner with us the usual gang anymore, she shot to the president's list, she became a rat- eating her mate's food without her permission, she brought her guy back almost everynight to the disgust of her mate and the landlady. And the best thing is, this disrespectful guy treats everyone else as invisible as well and he kept coming. In short, she became an eyesore and a pain in the ass.

The landlady's patience was severely tested as promises were broken and warnings were ignored. In the end, she was to end up being asked to leave the house and she duly did. It really was justice done. I couldn't feel happier to have her out of my sight for the rest of my stay in the rented house.

And oh, guess what, she just asked for my notes and test papers when we met in the block last week. I was laughing in heart.... I feel like telling her:

"You know what? Fuck off, you cowbrain.. Happy cow year to you"

And Happy Chinese New Year to everyone else!