The End

The Dark Knight was really hell of a movie that I watched it in the cinema three times. After watching it thrice, I couldn't understand why I was disappointed with the ending. In fact, I think it's a really meaningful and touching ending.

Gordon: The Joker won. Harvey's prosecution, everything he fought for. Undone. Whatever chance Gotham had of fixing itself, dies with Harvey's reputation. We bet it all on him. The Joker took the best of us and tore him down. People will lose hope.
Batman: No, they won't. They must never know what he did.
Gordon: Five dead? Two of them cops? We can't sweep that...
Batman: But the Joker cannot win. Gotham needs its true hero(turning Dent's face to show the good side). You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I can do those things, because I'm not a hero, unlike Dent. (turns to Gordon) I killed those people. That's what I can be.
Gordon: No, no you can't, you're not!
Batman: I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be.

It's really touching that Bruce still had the willingness to sacrifice himself to be the scapegoat of Harvey's killings after what happened to Rachel. I think Batman is the true example of a hero. Superman is not. Spiderman is not. Whatever else is not. Batman never answers to his popularity or the publicity. Like Gordon said in that final line of the movie, he's a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Dark Knight. He silently sacrifices himself for the people of Gotham. He doesn't need people to know what he has done for them and at the same time, he's willing to be hated, to be the outcast.

The ultimate scene that moved me was when he said "I killed those people."

I think it's a kinda good message to us audience. If we care for someone, we sacrifice for them and we don't need to seek recognition or appreciation. Cos if you truly care for that someone, you just wanted the best for him/her. As long as he/she is well, you're content and you ask for nothing more.

And the more saddening part is, Rachel was not going to wait for Bruce even if she survived. If he knows about it, I think it will drive him nuts.

Respects

A course mate friend of mine passed away last Tuesday, to the shock of most in my course.

Being me, I was, if not the last, one of the last, to know about the news, and I didn't believe it when my friend first told me. When I came to realize that he was really gone, for a moment I was stunned.

There were different sets of stories at first about the cause of his death, from road crash to suicide. I guess that is the power of rumours. But, the real cause was something that really made us ruing his death because it was very avoidable. He fell from the 4th floor of his girlfriend's hostel as he was trying to get into her room through her window by climbing from the roof with a rope.

The buzz about his death wasn't strong among us because this semester he was repeating a number of last semester's subjects and most of all, he was kinda outcast because of his attitude problem. I remember he used to be quite a bad-tempered person, getting into hot arguments with lecturer and friends. As time went on, he mellowed down but still, his one-of-a-kind attitude made him isolated by friends and hated by some. Sometimes, I sympathized him for his social problem as he was most of the time alone by himself in uni. I think that's probably why most don't feel that much about his death.

Personally I don't have anything against him because I'm not really close to him and if we did make contact, we got along well. We greeted each other when we met and chatted a little at times. He was friendly and nice to me. We played futsal together occassionally when I joined the Applied Math gang's weekly futsal session. As I recall, he was in fact a good futsal player.

Here, I, as a friend, would like to wish you, Gideon Chan Wah Ghee all the best wherever you are. May you rest in peace.

Paying the price

The last few days have been sickening for me. I had an in-class assignment on monday and a lab test on tuesday. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to study before going for both hurdles and I didn't even go to bed early. And the funny part is I'm gonna flunk both tests.

I am paying the price for my lackadaisical attitude during the past few weeks, not paying attention in lectures and not doing tutorials. I am so left out in every subject. I don't know why every semester has to be like that. Somewhere in the middle of the semester, I just have to lose the enthusiasm and the will to study. Last semester, I slacked right when I started the first week and managed to pick up towards the end of the semester. This semester I don't have the luxury of time anymore to catch up cos this time, I was hardworking for the first few weeks and slacked for every other week. It's week 12 and it's the climax of the semester, where assignments and exams come slapping your face all at one time. And I haven't been aware of what has been taught in lectures.

It's taking its toll on me. I couldn't sleep well and enough. And the ridiculous thing is I put myself through all these rigorous routines and I cannot do well in exams. It's becoming pointless. All the weeks of slacking have definitely left my brain rotten and rusty. I can sit at my table with my books for hours but I can tell you the hours spent have not been productive ones. I'm just sitting there for the sake of sitting there and comforting myself, the truth is I haven't putting in enough of effort and thinking on the subjects. I've been putting too much unnnecessary pressures on myself. I have people telling me that I'm now thinner than the already very thin me. And, I grow thinner for no reason cos I'm not doing any better in my exams! Fuck me!

My parents kept telling me to control that social bug in me, but really, I don't see myself as that sociable. Most of my time out with friends were occassional and fuck, normally the first thing I do after my classes end every day, I go back home. I have all the time in the world to study and yet I couldn't fare reasonably well. I must be really rotten.

I'm growing increasingly irritated with UTAR's schedule for actuarial science, which I think is killing me. There's so many subjects, so large syllabus, so many exams and so many assignments crammed into 14 weeks. I have lecturers who themselves are baffled that we even have exams and assignments in the last week of semester. We don't have time to really understand the subjects. The actuarial subjects are not like any other four-year course subjects. There's a reason for people to say actuarial science is tough. But it's being treated like any other course. That is why they have abnormal failure rate for some subjects. That failure rate coupled with the subject lecturer's own admission that the subject needs time shows that the time frame for this course is really unfair.

When the subject alone is already very tough, it's even worse when you let a stupid lecturer to teach it. The "Doctor" is freaking blur while teaching cos he comes to class unprepared, yet he has ridiculously high expectations of students, as if he's teaching a bunch of masters students. We are new to the subject but he expects us to know a lot of things and understand a lot of new things right away. His classes are really unproductive because little is learnt, defying the true purpose of a class, like in tutorials where only 3 or 4 out 20 questions are discussed.

But, in the end, I know I still have myself to blame.

Don't Cha (Leaf Version)

I know you like leaf
I know you do
That’s why we can be healthy if we eat more leaves,
I know you want leaf
She's easy to eat
And in the back of your mind I know you want to eat her.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like leaf
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was mad like leaf
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was round like leaf
Don’t you wish your girlfriend can eat like leaf
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

I know you like flavours,
I know you do
That’s why leaf got 4 different seasons for you,
Know you want green leaf
Yellow's not good
Sure no problem cos summer leaves are everywhere.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend can kill like leaf,
Don’t you ever dare make leaf angry,
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

Don’t you wish your girlfriend is green like leaf, like the Hulk,
Don’t you wish your girlfriend can sleep like leaf, like the pig
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

leaf: dun u wish yr girlfriend was hot like me..... doncha.. doncha

Muahahaha.......

Congestion

I think the increasing population of human is a big problem.

The number of students in my university alone is like wow. University bus to my area is crammed to every inch during peak hours; students flock to class like an army of ants, there’s just so many people. The way the number of human beings multiplies nowadays is crazy. Ask anyone around you, they’ll say they want at least 2 children. We’re gonna run out of space and air to breathe.

The problem with increasing population is standing out. Everyone wants to stand out and attract attention. Take a stone and throw it, you’ll hit a guy who has a super trendy punky hair. From observer’s point of view, I think it’s pathetic. People are desperate to impress each other by acting cool.

They cut that kind of hairstyle that obstructs the eyes’ view. Then, they keep adjusting their hair to the side. What’s the point of the whole hairstyle right? Or is it just intentional to act cool? They even have super cool rare English names. But, when they open their mouth, they struggle to come out with a decent English sentence. It’s funny.

The flurry of new singers, especially in the Chinese music industry, is another example of what I call desperate for attention. Many don’t have the talent, but they just want to be in the industry. And you see posters of them with all those cool poses around, I feel like throwing up. I remember in our very own local Superstar competition, the poses for their photoshoots are so geli. I don't even wanna start describing it.

Oh, am I running out of topic?