I'm now in the climax of my semester. Every paper from now on is a final. Obviously it's a tough period to come and get a result, but I know its in my hands. I've got 3 massive papers ahead and I want to do well in every one of them. Winning, no, scoring A is the name of the game, no, finals.
What I do now decides everything; if I do badly in one paper, it’s hard to recover. I’ll have to take my chances when they come and make sure I don’t do badly. I have to keep focus and concentration during my preparations and during the paper itself. Any mistake or lapse of concentration could dent my title hopes, i mean good grades hope.
It would be stupid to think this is going to be easy. Complacency does not come into it as far as I'm concerned. I cannot get carried away and let complacency or disappointment from individual result to get into my head. I move on. Nothing is guaranteed.
I've got to show character during each paper. Attack the paper. Attack is the best form of defence. I'll be going at it full throttle in order to get the result I want.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
oink oink
This semester I have more Dr Oinks who are despicable in their own different ways. That semester was classical just because of him. This time I have four really loathsome lecturers if not hilarious, but somehow I got kinda immune already after the oinky experience.
There's one soft lecturer, also a Dr, who have once broken record with a 7-people die-hard audience( I take pride in not being one of them.. haha!). There's one snobby lecturer who self-indulges in her Australian tertiary education background, but has an inscrutable grammatical problem that she pierces our poor eardrums each time she speaking. (Oops, did i make a grammar mistake?) There's one tutor with a gay-ish voice, from whom you would not want to hear calling you "my dear" especially after you waited for him in the class for half an hour on a regular basis.
On the contrary, there's this widely despised lecturer whom I actually respect. Last semester, i hated him for always being late for class and doing nothing in lectures but this semester I think he's in his comfort zone in this subject as he's doing his job fine with his vast knowledge on the profession. After all, he's an associate professor with masters in actuarial science. That alone deserves some reognition. The problem with him is, he's always telling the truth.
Some of his lambasting moments:
What's the actuarial assumptions in product pricing? Think! why are you taking so long? This is very slow you know. It's an easy question what. You see, i'm helping you to improve by asking you to think. That's the way to improve your thinking skills.
Can you try answering my question? It doesn't matter if it's wrong. What? Underwriting? What has this question to do with underwriting? You don't understand my question..
Him : The guy at the back.. Ya, what are the safeguards to this mismatching of investment strategy?
Me: ......... (panicking) Higher transfer to statutory reserve?
Him: What you mean by the word transfer? You're not using the right jargon.. It shows that u're not reading.. I've given you all the relevant additional notes. What's the use of giving you all that if you don't read?
What's the meaning of explicit? hmm? What happened to your dictionaries? I just told y'all that you should bring dictionaries so that all these sentences will only make sense to you when you understand the meaning of these individual words. That's how you can improve. What's so difficult in bringing a dictionary? Just because its heavy you can't bring one?
(class attendance was exceptionally good because it was exam day) Why are there so many people whom I'm seeing for the first time? Those who comes regularly are really wrong for signing the attendance for the regular absentees. It's a whole mockery of the process, you know? You don't come to class, then you prepare for the consequence. Of course you pay for this course you bear the consequence.
Why you can't answer the test question on liabilities valuation? I've taught you all that. A lot of you failed the paper you know? If you continue to be like that you'll fail this paper.
That guy.. ya, i'm been observing you sleeping in my class for many times... You don't have to come to class if you're going to sleep.. That is tantamount to not learning anything.. Blah blah blah... Make this the last time...
it gets on people's nerves because he does the life-philosophies-lecturing thing as often as i shit.. Its almost like hating those spm top scorers on tv saying how they succeeded by studying 3 hours a day, paying attention in class, always asking questions, making own notes, and so on.. I used to get irritated by these interviews although all those things said were so true and basic that we could not even do...
That's the same case with this lecturer.. a lot of what he said is so true that I could not agree more with him. He's like Simon Cowell to me because many hates him for telling the truth, except that his remarks are a lot more basic than Simon's! We don't get comments like "you're utterly horrendous like a frog squeaking and creaking".. Comparing the circumstances, we're actually a shame if we hate the lecturer...
I really think he deserves a lot of respect. Its just his teaching methods that are disgusting.
There's one soft lecturer, also a Dr, who have once broken record with a 7-people die-hard audience( I take pride in not being one of them.. haha!). There's one snobby lecturer who self-indulges in her Australian tertiary education background, but has an inscrutable grammatical problem that she pierces our poor eardrums each time she speaking. (Oops, did i make a grammar mistake?) There's one tutor with a gay-ish voice, from whom you would not want to hear calling you "my dear" especially after you waited for him in the class for half an hour on a regular basis.
On the contrary, there's this widely despised lecturer whom I actually respect. Last semester, i hated him for always being late for class and doing nothing in lectures but this semester I think he's in his comfort zone in this subject as he's doing his job fine with his vast knowledge on the profession. After all, he's an associate professor with masters in actuarial science. That alone deserves some reognition. The problem with him is, he's always telling the truth.
Some of his lambasting moments:
What's the actuarial assumptions in product pricing? Think! why are you taking so long? This is very slow you know. It's an easy question what. You see, i'm helping you to improve by asking you to think. That's the way to improve your thinking skills.
Can you try answering my question? It doesn't matter if it's wrong. What? Underwriting? What has this question to do with underwriting? You don't understand my question..
Him : The guy at the back.. Ya, what are the safeguards to this mismatching of investment strategy?
Me: ......... (panicking) Higher transfer to statutory reserve?
Him: What you mean by the word transfer? You're not using the right jargon.. It shows that u're not reading.. I've given you all the relevant additional notes. What's the use of giving you all that if you don't read?
What's the meaning of explicit? hmm? What happened to your dictionaries? I just told y'all that you should bring dictionaries so that all these sentences will only make sense to you when you understand the meaning of these individual words. That's how you can improve. What's so difficult in bringing a dictionary? Just because its heavy you can't bring one?
(class attendance was exceptionally good because it was exam day) Why are there so many people whom I'm seeing for the first time? Those who comes regularly are really wrong for signing the attendance for the regular absentees. It's a whole mockery of the process, you know? You don't come to class, then you prepare for the consequence. Of course you pay for this course you bear the consequence.
Why you can't answer the test question on liabilities valuation? I've taught you all that. A lot of you failed the paper you know? If you continue to be like that you'll fail this paper.
That guy.. ya, i'm been observing you sleeping in my class for many times... You don't have to come to class if you're going to sleep.. That is tantamount to not learning anything.. Blah blah blah... Make this the last time...
it gets on people's nerves because he does the life-philosophies-lecturing thing as often as i shit.. Its almost like hating those spm top scorers on tv saying how they succeeded by studying 3 hours a day, paying attention in class, always asking questions, making own notes, and so on.. I used to get irritated by these interviews although all those things said were so true and basic that we could not even do...
That's the same case with this lecturer.. a lot of what he said is so true that I could not agree more with him. He's like Simon Cowell to me because many hates him for telling the truth, except that his remarks are a lot more basic than Simon's! We don't get comments like "you're utterly horrendous like a frog squeaking and creaking".. Comparing the circumstances, we're actually a shame if we hate the lecturer...
I really think he deserves a lot of respect. Its just his teaching methods that are disgusting.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
forced to do this.....
Rules:
It's harder than it looks!
Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
They have to be real. Nothing made up!
If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
It's harder than it looks!
Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
They have to be real. Nothing made up!
If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. What is your name : ChonSern
2. A four Letter Word : Crap
3. A boy's Name : Conan
4. A girl's Name : christine
5. An occupation : Conman
6. A color : chocolate brown
7. Something you'll wear : cheongsam
9. A food : char kuey teow
10. Something found in the bathroom : cum
11. A place : cemetery
12. A reason for being late : choked on char kuey teow
13. Something you'd shout : ccb char kuey teow!
14. A movie title : Curious case of benjamin button
15. Something you drink : coffee
16. A musical group: Cincai la....
17. An animal : cow
18. A street name : Chow kit street
19. A type of car : camry
20. The title of a song : Can't fight the moonlight
The 20 people who I am going to tag are:
my readers, if there are 20....
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
inner war
I've been bothered by a lot of self-conflicts lately.
First and foremost, I am having an identity crisis. It's like, after going through all those secondary years, I still don't really know who i am. I know deep down inside me, I'm a funny guy who has a lot of things to say to what's happening. But when I'm out in the wild, I can't express myself. I don't know why. Is it because of the different circle of friends? Is it that I'm shy? Sometimes when I joke, people mistaken me for being serious because of the way I express the joke. Sometimes I'm very funny around my friends, sometimes I'm very serious and quiet. There's no consistency to what my character's supposed to be.
Plus, I've always been very judgamental. I have lotsa negative thoughts about someone who I've just seen or met, which makes it very difficult for me to communicate with people because I can be kinda cold to them. I lose respect for people at the very first sight. Yes, you read me right. I lose respect for people before I even get to know them, which is scandalous. I guess that explains why I'm so in my own world.
Also, I've not been good in relationships. I haven't done enough for friends. Friendships are made of continuous contact, concern and the things they do for each other. And I don't do enough for my friends even when they treat me so well. Whenever we are away from each other, its as if we don't know each other. No, its like, I don't even know them. I seldom take the initiative to care about friends in the other side of the world. What kind of friend am I?
I can't multitask. When there's too many things in my head, I start to ignore one by one, belittle their importance to my own comfort so that I won't have so much things to think about. I used to think that I'm a simple person who likes to keep everything simple which is so wrong. I'm just trying to avoid responsibilties. I wonder what kind of adult do I make. I cant handle things all at a time.
Besides, I can be very self-centred most of the time. I think people are self-centered when I myself am too. I care more for my own business than others. I seldom get involved in friends outings for any purpose when we're supposed to be together.
At the end of the day, I feel i'm so useless. Fuck me.
First and foremost, I am having an identity crisis. It's like, after going through all those secondary years, I still don't really know who i am. I know deep down inside me, I'm a funny guy who has a lot of things to say to what's happening. But when I'm out in the wild, I can't express myself. I don't know why. Is it because of the different circle of friends? Is it that I'm shy? Sometimes when I joke, people mistaken me for being serious because of the way I express the joke. Sometimes I'm very funny around my friends, sometimes I'm very serious and quiet. There's no consistency to what my character's supposed to be.
Plus, I've always been very judgamental. I have lotsa negative thoughts about someone who I've just seen or met, which makes it very difficult for me to communicate with people because I can be kinda cold to them. I lose respect for people at the very first sight. Yes, you read me right. I lose respect for people before I even get to know them, which is scandalous. I guess that explains why I'm so in my own world.
Also, I've not been good in relationships. I haven't done enough for friends. Friendships are made of continuous contact, concern and the things they do for each other. And I don't do enough for my friends even when they treat me so well. Whenever we are away from each other, its as if we don't know each other. No, its like, I don't even know them. I seldom take the initiative to care about friends in the other side of the world. What kind of friend am I?
I can't multitask. When there's too many things in my head, I start to ignore one by one, belittle their importance to my own comfort so that I won't have so much things to think about. I used to think that I'm a simple person who likes to keep everything simple which is so wrong. I'm just trying to avoid responsibilties. I wonder what kind of adult do I make. I cant handle things all at a time.
Besides, I can be very self-centred most of the time. I think people are self-centered when I myself am too. I care more for my own business than others. I seldom get involved in friends outings for any purpose when we're supposed to be together.
At the end of the day, I feel i'm so useless. Fuck me.
Friday, January 16, 2009
A friend that never was
A while ago in early 2006, a "distant" friend(although she's a nearby neighbour) sought my advice on my university details. It was a turning point as she was to end up being my uni-mate and close friend for a while.
For about 1 year plus of honest friendship, i was very kind to her-not to boast but i really was. During that period, I was like her elder bro although I don't look like one. As a senior, I helped her with preliminary registration, guided her in studies, lent her almost lots of my notes and test papers and advised her on many academic issues. As a friend, I helped her look for room, offered her weekly rides- to and fro, remembered her birthday and gave her gifts, and accompanied her walking to bus stops on numerous occasions.
For all that I've done for her, she was actually not responsive most of the time but still accepting. At first I really didn't mind doing it as a friend, more so when she grew thinner and prettier(blinded by looks?). But then as she got more and more attention for her looks, she became a very much changed, different person. She showed her tail and the picture become too obvious and stupid to be unaware of. She treated everyone around her as a tool from the start. And I was one of them all along. Everyone else around her is.
I started assessing our friendship more closely and I realized it has been nothing more than a parasitic relationship. Her definition of friends is their usefulness. My value to her is under the academic category, as I have always been her source of senior guidance, notes, test papers as her reference. Other than that, I am of no worth to her. Which means, when she comes to me-whether she's trying to start a casual conversation or straight to the point, she can only have one definite motive-getting something academic from me. Yes, she's sly. She only comes to me when she needs my help and she starts the task by having a casual dialogue and giving lotsa sweet talk and smiles. At the end of conversation, I always end up lending her something. That's the whole point of the dialogue. If there's nothing to borrow from me, then I'm invisible to her. I was never appreciated or treated like a friend. She treats her circle of friends pretty much the same way but i'm not gonna elaborate on her exploits.
I regretted for being a kind fool, for being a willing prey and I was utterly disappointed to have such a friend. Then i started ignoring her and tried to cut down my help supplies, and guess what it only helped to reveal more of her true colours. She must have become desperate as she got herself a genius boyfriend and poof, she doesn't need anyone anymore. She hit lotsa birds with one stone because this guy is her classmate, he's a 4-pointer and he has a car. She would never go out for dinner with us the usual gang anymore, she shot to the president's list, she became a rat- eating her mate's food without her permission, she brought her guy back almost everynight to the disgust of her mate and the landlady. And the best thing is, this disrespectful guy treats everyone else as invisible as well and he kept coming. In short, she became an eyesore and a pain in the ass.
The landlady's patience was severely tested as promises were broken and warnings were ignored. In the end, she was to end up being asked to leave the house and she duly did. It really was justice done. I couldn't feel happier to have her out of my sight for the rest of my stay in the rented house.
And oh, guess what, she just asked for my notes and test papers when we met in the block last week. I was laughing in heart.... I feel like telling her:
"You know what? Fuck off, you cowbrain.. Happy cow year to you"
And Happy Chinese New Year to everyone else!
For about 1 year plus of honest friendship, i was very kind to her-not to boast but i really was. During that period, I was like her elder bro although I don't look like one. As a senior, I helped her with preliminary registration, guided her in studies, lent her almost lots of my notes and test papers and advised her on many academic issues. As a friend, I helped her look for room, offered her weekly rides- to and fro, remembered her birthday and gave her gifts, and accompanied her walking to bus stops on numerous occasions.
For all that I've done for her, she was actually not responsive most of the time but still accepting. At first I really didn't mind doing it as a friend, more so when she grew thinner and prettier(blinded by looks?). But then as she got more and more attention for her looks, she became a very much changed, different person. She showed her tail and the picture become too obvious and stupid to be unaware of. She treated everyone around her as a tool from the start. And I was one of them all along. Everyone else around her is.
I started assessing our friendship more closely and I realized it has been nothing more than a parasitic relationship. Her definition of friends is their usefulness. My value to her is under the academic category, as I have always been her source of senior guidance, notes, test papers as her reference. Other than that, I am of no worth to her. Which means, when she comes to me-whether she's trying to start a casual conversation or straight to the point, she can only have one definite motive-getting something academic from me. Yes, she's sly. She only comes to me when she needs my help and she starts the task by having a casual dialogue and giving lotsa sweet talk and smiles. At the end of conversation, I always end up lending her something. That's the whole point of the dialogue. If there's nothing to borrow from me, then I'm invisible to her. I was never appreciated or treated like a friend. She treats her circle of friends pretty much the same way but i'm not gonna elaborate on her exploits.
I regretted for being a kind fool, for being a willing prey and I was utterly disappointed to have such a friend. Then i started ignoring her and tried to cut down my help supplies, and guess what it only helped to reveal more of her true colours. She must have become desperate as she got herself a genius boyfriend and poof, she doesn't need anyone anymore. She hit lotsa birds with one stone because this guy is her classmate, he's a 4-pointer and he has a car. She would never go out for dinner with us the usual gang anymore, she shot to the president's list, she became a rat- eating her mate's food without her permission, she brought her guy back almost everynight to the disgust of her mate and the landlady. And the best thing is, this disrespectful guy treats everyone else as invisible as well and he kept coming. In short, she became an eyesore and a pain in the ass.
The landlady's patience was severely tested as promises were broken and warnings were ignored. In the end, she was to end up being asked to leave the house and she duly did. It really was justice done. I couldn't feel happier to have her out of my sight for the rest of my stay in the rented house.
And oh, guess what, she just asked for my notes and test papers when we met in the block last week. I was laughing in heart.... I feel like telling her:
"You know what? Fuck off, you cowbrain.. Happy cow year to you"
And Happy Chinese New Year to everyone else!
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